The Tiger's Greatest Break!
by Phearo
Summary: During a chance encounter- a certain Tiger of Fuyuki finds herself awakened to the very nature of her existence. Now, the problem is, convincing everyone of the same! Well, I've no doubt that this plan is going to fail- terribly!
1. Whaddaya mean Prologue?

Fujimura Taiga liked to think of herself as a_ somewhat_ adaptable woman. She had to be, as a teacher, to deal with her students every day- and also to deal with a certain young man's growing harem.

Yes, _harem_, she knows one when she sees it. The boy was too dense to even notice anything to the effect- it was like her life became the audience for a romantic love comedy, with little Shirou as the protagonist.

It was funny, that's why she called it a comedy- but it's still kinda sorta very creepy in a "things that look more amusing the farther away they are from you" sorta way.

Maybe she should change that label into "prospective inn manager" instead. At least that makes her look forward to Shirou being marginally successful in life, but, that's beside the point.

"Yo."

The point was, as much as Fujimura liked to believe herself to be an adaptable person, the sight of a small mushroom man hardly registered in her brain.

Yet here it stands, just at the other side of the playground, calling at her.

"Eh?"

During those _small_ percentage of events where her mind fails to recognize such baffling phenomena, there are, of course, other lovely alternatives to spring up to help.

Sadly, this time it would be her stomach to rise up to the occasion.

And so mushroom man has turned into a simple giant mushroom.

"I might be getting delusional from hunger, maybe having Shirou cook this large, cute mushroom should do the trick!"

She would have said, fortunately, she was alone, and kept such thought to herself- something Gaia was very eternally grateful for. Such a line would've caused it to summon a Counter Guardian to destroy everything to stop any possible spreading of whatever corniness that it would have had to offer.

Maybe that was an exaggeration- but a Taiga possessed by her stomach hugging the mushroom back to Shirou's definitely was not.

***ponk***

"We're not in a roleplaying thread!~ Don't narrate your actions with asterisks!"

Anyone would complain about the pain when a white hammer would hit them out of nowhere, and so like any other normal person she had done the same as she clutched her head.

"Ah, my bad. "

Sadly, there was also something in that line of hers that was incredibly wrong!

"Eh?"

Then, like Buddha receiving enlightenment after refusing to stop taking a bath for who knows how long, or Einstein suddenly getting smarter from getting knocked on the head with a piece of chalk, information flooded her mind- and all of a sudden she **knew.**

"I'm.. a character in a story!?"

The revelation sent Taiga into a state of shock- bending her knees down so as to touch the ground with her awestruck. It was like the skies above her parted and blessed her with rays of light-

_Everything made __**sense**__ now_!

But can it be that she's just going crazy right now? That her perception in reality has been warped in some way to connect dots never meant to be lined together in the first place? She had to know- to confirm these thoughts- and there was only one boy to 'fix' her dilemma .

"ShirouShirouShirouShirou!"

At her haste, she had forgotten the one that had caused it all- and most likely knew how to fix it, was just right beside her during that time.

"Welp, have fun."

And then the mushroom man went away with that disappointing parting message, off to do whatever mushroom men do, like play videogames, or something.


	2. Unbeatable Foe!

_**Thudthudthud**_

_**Wham!**_

The sliding door gave way to a barreling bundle of brown and yellow stripes, and if Shirou hadn't gotten used to the incredibly surprising act he would admit that he might've gotten a heart attack.

Still, the incredibly energetic Taiga was someone he had to put it up ever since he could remember- and if nothing else, the experience taught him how to deal with her types much more efficiently. Unfortunately, Shirou was beginning to suspect that she was a very rare specimen.

"Fuji-nee, don't just run in the halls like that."

With the red head's tone of voice it quickly sounded to something akin to one of a mother's lecture to their child, which wouldn't be far from the case in their relationship. The older of the two scratched the back of her head sheepishly.

"Ehehe~ it's just that your food smells so good, Shirou."

Shirou sighed, before dipping the scoop lightly into the pan- preparing to take a sip to test its flavor. It looks like she came here for food, as always. The whole thing was funny, actually- just get to her stomach to get to her good books- Fuji-nee's pretty straightforward like that.

He liked the simplicity, but then remembered that all the other women of his life- most of which reside within his very home- were nothing like that.

He sighed again.

"Shirou, you'd get older faster if you keep sighing like that, you know?"

The voice of Fujimura Taiga now became muffled and distant; moving from her previous spot behind the kitchen to now face planting herself against the coolness that is the surface of the wooden table.

'_She sure got comfortable quickly. '_ The redhead quipped mentally.

"Wait!"

The light brown hair of the high school English teacher blurred for a second as she raised her head up in a snap, causing Shirou to double take-

"I forgot to tell you something!"

-and immediately put to rest any distress that may have arisen. It was still definitely a good thing that Fuji-nee isn't an esper.

At all.

"What is it?"

Deciding to lend an ear to the woman would later then be labeled as a mistake.

"Shirou." All of a sudden she gripped the sleeves of the redhead's shirt, her eyes staring into his coupled with a serious edge.

It wouldn't be a mistake to say that Shirou had never seen his Fuji-nee act like this, and so immediately understood the 'gravity' of the 'situation.'

Hey, he even gulped.

"I've found out…"

The tension in the room grew stronger as the temperature drops within Shirou's stomach..

"We're actually in a story!"

… only to rise and fall without any fanfare the second time this evening.

Of course, like any sensible man, the redhead had the suitable reaction:

"What." The voice that both had expected to be a croak with the reveal was just a dead flat tone.

"A story! A piece of fiction!" She replied. However, against Shirou's muted face, it honestly sounded like the Tiger of Fuyuki was trying to convince herself of the nonsense she was saying.

"Shirou! We're fictional characters! We're not real!" She still won't give up, regardless of that fact. She even went as far as shaking the redhead.

Really desperate, I know.

"..That's impossible, Fuji-nee."

Unfortunately for her, if anyone in these times could be called a paragon of stubbornness, it would Shirou himself. He was like a steel-plated, bomb-proof wall of skepticism that the woman's words reflected against, not even able to graze the exterior.

But the war raged on…

"No, it's true!"

"Then how come I can reply to what you're saying right now?"

"That's just the author writing your reactions!"

"That must be a very fast author, then."

"The story isn't being written in real time! I bet there were even descriptions of the place we're in right now took a couple of sentences before he could even move on to writing the story!"

"And how would you say that for sure?"

"It's because!... Because.."

"Uuuoooohhhh…"

..just further proving the inevitable.

Taiga deflated from the nonstop barrage of comments from the boy, now sinking to her knees. The opponent this time smirked in his victory, but Shirou wasn't done- not just yet.

"Honestly, Fuji-nee, you shouldn't mix up dreams and reality."

**C-C-Critical Hit!**

"Gurk! Y-you…"

The attack was strong! Stronger than anything she'd expected from him! It struck her like a wrecking ball- bursting her chest in a million pieces! What frightening power of irony!

"You're terrible, Shirrrrrooouuuu!"

The green and yellow blur bursted away in retreat, leaving just as energetically as it entered the room.

Shirou sighed.

Somewhere near the gates of the Emiya household, the Tiger rested her right hand against the wall- with the other clutching her chest in agony.

"Damn… I-I never knew.. Shirou was such a high-level character…"

In between ragged gasps, Taiga muttered. It was an unexpected blunder- taking much out of her-

"But.. I have to conquer him…"

-But she will not give up! The fire lit in her eyes, and with new found resolve she stomped the ground, leveraging her weight onto as she stood up in protest of her wounded ego and raised her fist up in the sky!

"Or my name isn't Oda Nobunaga!"

...It's not.


End file.
